Acted in some prominent Hollywood movies, but makes amateur movies as a hobby, mostly in the trailer parks where he grew up, involving his neighbours as 'natural'
actors. The approach is a juvenile, virtually plotless Gummo-like form of home-made trash that seems partially improvised, featuring Andrews feeding the most
disgusting and offensive lines he can think of to his generally older and extremely eccentric amateur actors, and making them perform repulsive sex
acts or act out his coprophiliac fantasies. Either that, or alternatively, he feeds them faux-surreal nonsense and non-sequiturs for no discernable reason
other than to feed his own warped and juvenile sense of humor. Think John Waters does a reality show by way of Gummo for people that think Jerry Springer
contributes to society. Strangely, some reviewers on the internet seem to think he's some kind of genius and unsung indie movie-maker. The only explanations I can
come up with for this is that either it's a conspiratorial joke, or that the world is a lot worse than I thought. He makes dozens of these useless movies,
some of them picked up by Troma. Some only feature trashy characters with trashy dialogue, others (reviewed here) are more scatologically extreme, but
there's really no sense reviewing more of these since most are basically the same garbage. Reviewed until 2016.
Yet another combination of ultimately juvenile humor revolving around filthy dialogue combined with retarded whimsical non-sequiturs posing as surrealism from Andrews.
It's a 'character study' of a person from the dregs of society: An actor that had one very short moment of success and can never get it back. His father was an insane
man obsessed with Abe Lincoln and he lives with a 'transsexual' that plays Christian rock and whose whole life revolves around abusing his rectum in various ways. But this
is just a backdrop for another Andrews outing where he gets people to tell filthy stories of sexcapades mostly involving various forms of coprophilia, where old trailer-trash
men are fed scatological lines that could only appeal to mentally retarded perverts, and where actors do things like masturbate their tongues, ejaculate from their ears,
pull dynamite sticks out of their butt in order to take hostages, and throw up children's toys.
Words fail to express how low this movie sinks. It's the worst of John Waters-esque tasteless filth mixed with Seaver-esque retarded humor and bad wigs. The plot is about
a buck-toothed hillbilly called Plop who works as a babysitter so that he can severely beat up babies and torture them, in between stints with drugs, and fetish sex
with old transsexuals. A cop called Schlong interviews one transsexual grandpa-whore for most of the movie while tracking down Plop, which of course, gives Andrews
another opportunity to have them tell silly pornographic tales and exchange scatological 'banter'. They talk about Plop's many disgusting problems as well as his infantilism
disorder, all backed by vile, retarded, graphic flashback scenes of Plop's adventures and his 'romantic' encounters.
A dying old man sends out invitations for people to visit him and discuss his upcoming death, resulting in several strange guests while he has dreams
involving his toenails and boogers in human form that give out strange advice. At first glance, this seems to present Andrews in a more meditative,
bizarre and meaningful mood. But this is just the same old home-made trailer-trash movie, only this time Andrews decided on a theme of an old man's death
having dreams and visitors, and instead of feeding them lines, he seemingly told them to improvise non-sequiturs while keeping in mind the theme of the movie.
Here's a sample exchange: "Live by the lunar calendar, it will help mold your major theories". "Like the whole animals walk and talk as soon as they're
born thing?". Those who look for meaning in this movie are wasting their time.
Check Out, The
This is Andrews in silly mode rather than his usual scatological mode. But it's the total lack of thought behind these movies that allow him to produce so many movies per year
and this makes them plain boring. Andrews simply takes another of his trailer-park/bum actors and has them act out whatever scenario came into his head that day. In this case,
it's a bearded crazy older guy paired with a young girl as his psychic wife who treats him like a little kid. They both encounter a series of strange events, only she calls them
'freak occurrences' and he is trying very hard not to freak out by what's happening. A bee stings a man to death, a 'monster' attacks him, people or heads disappear, aliens with
strange feet come to visit, and men turn into pot pies. Nothing really happens beyond that. Just because it's on film doesn't mean it's interesting.
Doily's Summer of Freak Occurrences
Surprisingly, this one by Andrews has a funny crazy idea and even a handful of laughs, but the majority is still retarded humor and trash. Two friends staying at a motel
decide to commit suicide, but not before they eat. A cow (a bearded man in a cow costume) on vacation arrives and stays next door. Desperately, they plot to eat the cow.
But a generous slaughterhouse, a crazy schizophrenic murdering bum, and an old man who talks to his orthopedic shoes and who is angry about shoe size standards, all
distract them from their plans. Andrews mostly lets them all goof off to obnoxiously juvenile songs in the soundtrack, resulting in a lot of tiresomely retarded antics,
and only a few laughs. And as soon as the old man appears, Andrews can't resist giving him a script of filth to read from. It must be some kind of fetish with Andrews.
This is like the dialogue version of a John Waters trailer-made movie. The 'script' is about a crack-addicted cop having a romance with an old trailer-trash woman
with an artificial elf ear (after an accident with a hungry pony). They have endless banal and nonsensical dialogue, and in between, Andrews gives them some pages
to read containing the most disgusting filth he can imagine. It's like bum-fights, with Andrews exploiting old trailer folk, except with pornographic, scatological
dialogue instead of fists. When he runs out of script, he has them do things like fish for feces or have sex with toilet paper. The film-equivalent of used toilet paper.
In Our Garden
Demented movie in a retarded way. It's like a mentally-challenged person watched a dozen surreal road-movies and decided he can make one as well. This home-made
nonsense tells the 'tale' of a film historian with an uncontrollable impulse to pull out his penis in inappropriate places, which got him in trouble while making
a DVD commentary. At the advice of his shrink he goes on a road trip to relax. On the way he meets a poetry-spouting madman with pornographic cockroaches, a
violent lunatic with an axe, a teenage girl brainwashed by a cult spouting completely nonsensical insights about life, a motel that uses a carton box in unusual
ways, a skinny guy who can't stay off the toilet, sex with a vacuum cleaner, and more. Towards the end it just turns to completely indescribable chaos. It's not
surreal because there is no point or theme, it's not Lynchian because it has no mystery, and it's not interesting because it is completely retarded.
Imagine Gummo as directed by John Waters. Some of the disgusting filth on parade in this plotless celluloid dump includes: A naked 90 year old
man simulating sex while talking extreme filth, a man raping a teddy bear with a hot dog and canned goods, an idiot posing as a Frenchman making
dumb jokes, a man and his son sharing porn and eating farts, and so on. Words fail me to describe how utterly pointless this is.
This is a sci-fi movie on paper that has even less sci-fi than Godard's Alphaville. A force called Schoof is causing everyone to go insane. This is enough
of an excuse and backdrop for Andrews to simply string together a bunch of scenes involving his favorite trailer trash actors doing the most silly and crazy
things he can imagine. This includes hearing weekend cowboys having an orgy in a vacuum cleaner, skipping rope with a 20-foot clitoris, jumping over mini
Christmas trees, cowboys attempting a gang-bang with a drunk, stoned and then dead girl, interacting with a dead ex-girlfriend who made her boyfriend give her
an abortion with a coat-hanger, being chased by a huge picture of a hamster, molesting a doll, aliens fighting over maple syrup, and yet more of Andrews's
juvenile coprophilia, this time with colostomy bags. Andrews has joined the lowest rank of Chris Seaver as far as I'm concerned
A teenager named Coney Island tries to develop relationships with his parents and trailer park friends by asking them for advice with his life and girlfriend. In return,
he gets many trashy stories about their sexual adventures, bad advice on condoms and how to treat women, sordid, sleazy histories about his parents and himself that he
would be better off not knowing, and a party involving a gang-bang with old people, and defecating in the sink. John Waters would be proud.
Touch Me in the Morning
So this kid goes to some demented denizens of trailers, exploits their reputation and feeds them the filthiest lines and actions he can imagine,
dumps all the footage into a movie, and releases it as a John Waters kind of trash comedy that will appeal to the Jerry Springer audience. This
almost-plotless movie features a man having sex with his feces, an old woman stripping, microwaving food with underwear, and endless filthy
mean-spirited dialogue and trashy characters trying to be funny, as prompted by Giuseppe Andrews. And just to make sure you didn't miss a word
of the filth, you get huge subtitles.