Petter Baiestorf  



A filthy and insane Brazilian follower of John Waters who makes home-made idiotic movies with in-your-face cheap gore, filth, perversions, trashy actors in various costumes or drag, gutter satire and homages to grindhouse or camp genres. Whereas Waters was all about straightforward bad taste, Baiestorf claims (tongue-in-cheek?) a more meaningful cult and underground status. Made dozens of underground short movies and the occasional longer releases reviewed here. Thanks to his energy and personality, Baiestorf is actually much more fun and talented as an actor, than as a director. Reviewed until 2016.

Worthless

Arrombada: I Will Piss in Your Grave  
Another mid-length movie from Baiestorf, this one his homage to rape-and-revenge exploitation grindhouse. A judge with a Hitler moustache and his entourage of priest and doctor rape a girl which they forced a drug-dealer to kidnap. Some nasty, trashy rape Baiestorf style, until the girl gets her high-heels on and gorily takes out her assailants in the nastiest ways imaginable while the compulsive perverts get off on the nastiness. This is followed by some Guinea Pig disemboweling, necrophilia and cannibalism. A horribly dull bad taste tribute to bad taste that doesn't even have the decency to attempt a plot.

Curticao do Avacalho, A  
A completely nonsensical, lame and bizarre home movie that tries to have fun with b-movie badness and cliches, with a focus on spoofing Incredible Melting Man. There are random characters in strange costumes, a priest on a mission, gratuitous violence and chopping off of hands, aliens, talking decapitated heads, and of course, a huge ray-gun that causes people's flesh to melt away slowly. Other randomness includes a schizophrenic holding a pie attacking the walls of his house with a knife, revolutionaries in the woods discussing ideologies, a mad scientist and an attempt at cloning Jesus, several references to the movie script and the movie itself, and purposely bad film-making that revels in b-movie madness.

They Eat Your Meat  
Inspired by a local Brazilian serial killer family, but this is just Baiestorf's backwoods horror entry that shows the antics of an inbred, cannibalistic, necrophiliac, torturing serial killers that seem to disembowel people so often, they become more interested with discussing their lust for each other during their tortures. There are several graphic dismemberment scenes put together with several layers of home-made special effects, sex in a cemetery, an inbred marriage, a sexual fetish with intestines, various tortures inflicted on people in the basement, and so on. Tax collectors meet a grisly end, as do stranded travellers, and their escaped basement pets add to the carnage as well as some silly slapstick. The acting is laughable, and the B&W cinematography is gritty. The soundtrack is probably the best thing about this one, featuring a crazy hodgepodge of extreme metal, classic rock, weird ambient tracks and other random stolen tracks.

Vadias do Sexo Sangrento  
30 minute filthy homage to I Spit on Your Grave and its followers, full of repulsive nudity and perversions. A lesbian couple are stalked by a violent rapist and a necrophiliac who collects vaginas. Endless filth and gore ensues, with repulsive x-rated sex, water-sports, bloody rape, and even bloodier revenge, including pulling out intestines through the anus, a chainsaw fight, and tearing apart a chest, crawling in and finding a room full of televisions (what?).

Vegetable Monster from Outer Space, The  
A local mad scientist discovers a being from outer space made of vegetables who plans to obliterate all humans in order to bring peace and morality onto the world (huh?). He escapes the scientist and goes a killing spree in a village populated by the likes of some horny perverts, a drug-addict priest, a group of necrophiliac philosophical cultists, scientists, and a failed experiment who runs around eating things like human flesh, bowels, bile, feces and blood. Features bargain basement splatter with a laughably fake bottle in the neck and a few bucketfuls of intestines. Also features random homages to Jose Marins as it preaches the fall of humankind and Christianity and searches for a girl to impregnate in order to change the world. Home-made trash.

Vegetable Monster from Outer Space 2, The  
This direct continuation from the first part features the wounded green vegetable 'monster' adopted by an effeminate veterinarian who is constantly bullied by the locals. The local thugs and rapists hang out in the outdoor bar listening to live music, but when they find out the monster is still alive, they come back to finish the job, pushing the veterinarian over the edge into a killing spree. That's the plot. The movie is actually 30 minutes of boredom followed by 30 minutes of extremely lame violence including an arm dismemberment, sodomy, rape, random trashy transsexual passersby, and some entrails carefully laid out over a bad actor's big stomach.

Zombio  
Baiestorf does a 'zombie' movie. A witch raises the dead and they attack various people in the woods, including a strange cross-dresser with a beard. The witch feeds the zombies with a sperm-like substance from her veins then mutates. The lame gore is strictly of the multicolored-porridge and pulling-guts-from-t-shirts variety.

Zombio 2: Chimarrao Zombies  
More dull trash from Baiestorf that is too dumb to be funny. A group of trashy people in a tiny village are overrun by zombies, except they are too horny or bored to care much either way, they are too dumb to even run away, or to let the zombies interrupt on their random sex acts. Zombies and various people wander the countryside to bouncy Brazilian music, all girls' clothes are ripped off at random for cheap x-rated shots, there are random bouts of violence and splatter, and that's it, leaving you as bored and uninspired as they are. Even the sex scenes are disgusting and involve various trashy people, with body fluids and solids throw around at random like a bunch of monkeys, with some necrophilia thrown in. The zombies are just masked dudes covered in multi-colored gloop and syrup, and never look realistic, and the splatter ranges from the same old intestines being thrown around or eaten, to more extreme varieties of disemboweling and blood-spraying gaping wounds. Short summary: Dumb trash covered in syrup-gore.




2000- by The Worldwide Celluloid Massacre Table of Contents