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Chris Seaver
Maker of idiotic, low-budget spoofs with a very juvenile sense of humor. Bad acting, lame gore effects, and idiotic dialog are only the beginning. Retarded humor from a mentally challenged 5 year old, scores of pointless pop-culture references, toilet humor, silly sleaze and horrifically annoying characters make his movies the irredeemable anathemas that they are. Obviously, there is a very specific target audience for his movies that will accuse others of not having a sense of humor, but if you are not in this elite group of people that laugh at the jokes of a 5-year old that watched too much porn, chances are you too will despise these insultingly idiotic celluloid abortions. Most of his releases are half-length movies consisting of lame clowning, colorful but childish dialogue, a sprinkling of minimal gore, toilet humor, filthy porn-talk, some kind of cliche horror plot, and teenagers with cheap masks, with the occasional slightly more extreme entry (listed here). Obviously, he works with Troma as well. Reviewed until 2016. Seaver does a vampire movie complete with Lloyd Kaufman as a vampire killer who sends a powerful amulet to his children who then find themselves battling the undead. But of course the movie is about idiotic pop-references from a fanboy with no life and endless childish jokes. Splatter makes an appearance here as well with lots of blood geysers, some weak eye-gouging, and an OK decapitation. Yet more obnoxiously juvenile sex-demon shenanigans from Seaver. This time it's a nerdy, virginal sex-ed teacher that summons the sex demons to convert her into a sex-goddess while her students pay the price in the form of demon-penis impalements and nasty coprophagia. Truth this, this story-line could have been campy fun in remotely competent hands, but Seaver and co. use the type of obnoxious voices and 'acting' usually only used by six-year-olds when play-acting, combined with juvenile porn-inspired dialogue and endless silly pop-culture references. Another piece of excrement that is exactly the same as the previous 30 films by Seaver. This time it's a spoof on slasher films where a killer is wiping out the crew of annoying retards working at a cinema, only the killer is known and most of the movie is about the usual pop-references, Troma marketing, porn-talk, buffoonery and annoying characters in masks. Features a couple of splatter scenes, one that plays a tune on vocal chords, some vomit, and a sex scene involving bowel movements and snakes. 40-minute lameness about two geek girls that wish to be popular and hot, for which they invoke the demon Phil with the help of their gothic friend who wants to be a hermaphrodite. The demon demands a high price however and the carnage and depraved sexual acts start at a party where everyone drools at the transformed geeks. No, it's not as fun as it sounds. Quite the opposite. A minute amount of blood, a whole lot of fat sex, and some copro-masturbation grace this piece of stupidity. One again, a flat-chested girl invokes demonic help and his vampire sidekick with the help of the goth-boy. They throw a horny teenage party as the demon wreaks chaos. Or something like that. Features random ejaculations, a homeless guy who gets his hardon chopped by a random ninja, the usual filthy porn-talk that passes as humor for Seaver, and truly annoying acting. Seaver at his most nasty. This time a man with a small penis invokes a demoness for help and parties with his new-found popularity while the demoness screws with the guests in various ways. Gore includes penis mutilation and a hungry vagina with sharp teeth, as well as a lot of ugly and filthy sex scenes. This is it. The culmination of the attitude that all things retarded and gross are funny. And no, this is not Southpark. Two extremely annoying girls and their friends go trick or treating and encounter a horde of zombies. Pop-culture references fly in all directions including Bill Cosby, Michael Jackson zombie dance, various quotes from horror movies, and so on. The low-budget gore makes a splatterific appearance on some occasions but takes a back seat to retarded antics. Painfully bad. Seaver does a Kill Bill spoof. Mulva is back without her ugly wig and lisp after being abused by several people and put into a coma. She gets her gory revenge one by one while exchanging idiotic dialog that is supposed to be funny. Features random characters with cheap masks or a bag over their head, a dildo used as a weapon, decapitations and eye-gouging. Allegedly Chris Seaver's last movie before retirement after dozens of similarly retarded and trashy comedies and horror spoofs, and this one is just more of the same, except that he has been doing this shtick for so long, this final one feels somewhat delirious. It's a spoof on a hodge-podge of horror themes, featuring a group of 'youngsters' making a documentary on the supposedly dead killer from the first movie 'Terror At Bloodfart Lake' that find themselves amongst bizarre inbred hillbillies, survivors of the first movie, and an undead killer. But it's really just an excuse for more endless pop-references and talk about various acts of pornography, including some filthy local trailer trash sex involving a huge strap-on, and some gender-bending. The killer's weapon of choice is a corn cob, and there is one over-the-top splatter scene involving unnatural, fatal and pornographic acts with a corn-cob. The climax fight scene, as usual, is more retarded humor as they break out in a break-dance after yelling retarded threats at each other. Stupidly tiresome. Seaver goes out with a bang, bringing together many characters from most of his previous movies for a ridiculous and demented movie. The plot involves members of a 'Paranormal Investigation Agency' that fight Hitler and his monster-lab minions in 1945, only to let Evonushka (Rochon) to escape with a vial of his blood with which she resurrects him 65 years later. Deathbone (a Conan-character as performed by Stallone), Bonejack, Teenape, Mulva, Puggly and others (who haven't aged at all) get back together to fight Hitler and his new evil minions in between bouts of silly sex and over-the-top spoofs on dramatic cliches. This is probably Seaver's most gory film, leading Troma to pick it up, and includes scenes of eye-gouging while singing a very silly song, disemboweling through various orifices, farts and anuses used as weapons, dismembering, and huge gaping wounds. The lunacy is almost entertaining for a few seconds... but actually this is just more tedious retardation. |
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